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the doctor’s office without the doctor


Another visit to the doctor’s office, this time a true adventure because no one was there, a determination I made after a thorough search of each exam room and doctor’s office.

After coming to the conclusion that a doctor’s appointment had been erroneously scheduled, and that their offices had been left accidentally unlocked, my mind immediately and unexpectedly went to sex. In some ways it surprised me, and in some ways it didn’t, because I’m incidentally celibate, but on most days human, so the thoughts that came to mind were both confusing and enjoyable.

I stopped my search to stare at the cameras on the wall, considering whose job could surely be at risk for the error of an unlocked door, and whether my actions fell under the definition of trespassing regardless.

I smiled at the camera and waved, curious about patient records that sat in offices unlocked, and the equipment that could easily be rolled out and used to start an underground program related to heart research.

I walked to the reception area and signed the appointment register, talking the invisible receptionist behind the desk. Since I was on camera, I wanted to leave evidence that my arrival had purpose.

I sat in a few of the exam rooms without turning the lights on, wondering how many had been sent home with a bill of good health, and how much it had cost them. After thirty minutes, it was clear no one would be arriving to conduct an exam, so I waved once more at the camera before locking their doors on my way out.

By then I’d taken my mask off, the only evidence admissible in matters of truth.

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