it’s been a few days and thoughts of quitting rise to the surface, but of course this time it’s different. isn’t it always? there’s that thing inside of me i can’t seem to find, a solemnity that once feared to use its voice has been replaced with something else one could describe as impatience. such a sweet man with a fear of my abandonment.
he is too overzealous, too complimentary, too desirous to “learn” me. but i’m very much like you a part of me wanted to say, just more silent on this side of the agreement, the last signature on the page instead of the first. i’m uncomfortable here, he’s uncomfortable there, and we both know on some level that contracts are like toilet paper rolls.
so i wipe slowly, waiting to be emptied. again.
a meditation on the significance placed on paper, its consistent sameness yet reform in proportion to our own.