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the pursuit

the pursuit

i’ve been catching up on old movies i’ve always wanted to watch and most recently it was the pursuit of happyness with will smith. a few times throughout and at the end i cried. folks that know me might think it was will’s commitment to his son that hit me in the feels, but really it was just his commitment to pursue ‘better’ on through to his perception of happiness. 

i’ve had moments not unlike many others, where i’d find myself staring at a locked door or my perception of a lowered ceiling and feel gutted by seemingly insurmountable challenges. my son came in one day to tell me our car wasn’t parked where i’d left it and i knew immediately it had been repossessed but i smiled as if nothing was wrong and told him it was okay and that i’d figure it out. my calm demeanor confused him and everyone else.

it was a small thing, at most a temporary inconvenience, but stuff like that can also become a big thing, a thing not shared with people out of fear of judgment or pride. when i bailed my car out from its political prison i was waiting with a handful of others who were doing the same, but a few only had money for visitation, and were there only to remove the contents of their vehicles.

there was one fella, a young kid who’d had his work truck repossessed who’d come to pick up his tools worth thousands of dollars and i wondered about his livelihood and how a person’s tools are in and of themselves rarely enough to get one through this life. we all need help, no matter what we’re carrying around in these vehicles we call bodies.

so in the movie, i cried at the part where he was hired, because it reminded me of a man that hired me years and years ago for a job i was in any other town unqualified for. i remember like yesterday what i wore to the interview – a pair of black jogging pants because it was the closest thing to slacks i owned. i didn’t get hired for my appearance – that much was sure.

i also cried at the part where his wife gave up on him and left, not because he couldn’t have made it without her – he went on to prove that he could, but i cried because faith is revealed in the patience of mundane and difficult things. no one really cares that i’m catching up on movies even though the next one in cue is fried green tomatoes! 

what sticks with me about the pursuit of happyness, is that will smith held his sons hand all throughout the movie; in laughter, in tears and in solidarity. in between pursuit, faith cares enough to stay and catch up with whatever we feel behind about, all while covering its loving hands over ours.

my hand has never been held as tightly as it has of late. may you always know without doubt the return of my warmth.

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