’twas neither

running numbers
– i sat in wonder at the race as
he positioned himself on his knees next to my desk

it was then and is now the strangest encounter i’d ever had with a colleague
from anyone looking in from the outside his position appeared intimate or suggestive

but it was neither of those things

this man twenty-five years my senior had transformed into a child
and was playing around as if i would understand the sudden
drop of facade and accept the invitation to his vulnerability

i didn’t think i had any regrets until recalling that moment
– how unprepared i’d been to be a child and receive his truth

i sat in wonder at his face
– running scenarios
positioning my discomfort closer to exiting minutes

he was wearing a suit and tie but had removed his shoes
– and while on his knees had fashioned finger puppets
from paperclips to make them dance across the desk

for several seconds i was scared and fully convinced his mind
had suddenly cracked

but after a moment he shared that he was in love with
a man i knew which to him was a statement of vulnerability
that i likened to stating the sun was hot

i don’t know why he wanted to tell me nor did i
understand the body language that accompanied the share –
all i do know is that if i could, i’d go back to that moment and
hug him because now i understand that is what he needed