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whatsapp enlightenment

whatsapp enlightenment

During a review of my whatsapp chain gang it came to me outlined in gray and fuzzy on the inside; I’ll need to open myself to love.

It’s in my face every day; these very intentional expressions of love directed outwardly to individuals and communities. I’m finally in a place where I don’t want to read into hidden meanings or analyze it anymore. Instead I want to be the words, feel the accents, the letters they search their brains to choose then grab with confidence to form the remainder of their thoughts. I want to be what someone else wants as part of their life expression, someone who’ll run tirelessly through their neural pathways to make me part of their story, and I want to be the same for someone else.

I don’t want to write this story from only my vantage point nor do I want to cling my hopes to being a reference at the end of someone else’s book. I’ve asked myself many times why you come and why you return yet fail to find satisfaction in my answer of those same questions. How do these thoughts benefit you and how do they benefit me? What parts of me feel enabled by your support and what parts of you feel enabled by mine?

Whatsapp isn’t new but still it is to me. One group is very fond of sending voice messages instead of text, citing the value in hearing versus reading another’s words. A few people left messages ending with I love you’s. If I was a betting woman, I’d call poppycock on this sudden surge of hippyism surrounding me, except for the fact that I’m not a betting woman. I actually felt it and while aware that platonic love from others is real, haven’t really experienced it so clearly in my ear for a while. So I got emotional, cause not only am I hard of hearing but I’ve kept my ears closed to love.

This last round of voice messages feels to be leading me out of this self-imposed purgatory, because if I’m honest, I’ve been hanging myself along a rope of self-sabotaging behaviors for a few years now and have more than tired myself out attempting to avoid the potential of my reach.

It feels like I’ll need to experiment while not knowing what that means or in what context it could be applied. When it comes to relationships I’m scared most of all to be wrong but I won’t know unless I work on allowing people in my life that feel right. It feels like I’m almost there and for that I feel grateful. I feel hope, love and promise.

May it all find its way off the page, off the app, into my vision and holding my hands.

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