how long before you hate me? before you call me every disgusting name you’d always known belonged to me? how long before the compulsion to watch me suffer and self-destruct makes you turn away in laughter? how many ways can there be to humiliate naive and blinded love? how many of my words continue to mispronounce your silence? if i kill mommy and daddy will you love me again? how many babies do i need to have before realizing no one is strong enough to nurture me? how many medications do i need to take before feeling something other than pain? how many times did i need to open my legs to realize i was penetrated by nothing but pity and fascination.