Blog poetry reflections WRITING

compassion | gratitude

compassion | gratitude

it’s too much to focus exclusively on passion
but without it life is not worth living
this is how we choose cheating over commitment
commitment over cheating

a responsibility to tell the truth doesn’t occur
in riding the seesaw
it occurs in getting off and stepping away
from the playground

they cling to me when dad visits with them and my initial response is irritation. this is my only time to myself.

so finally i asked, “why do you come to me when you are supposed to be with him?”

the oldest said, “he vents, talks about himself and we don’t want to hear it.”

expressionless i said nothing, not knowing how to respond or whether a response was required.

“are you surprised? wasn’t he the same way with you?” the child asked.

still not sure how to answer i told him that i thought his time with them was about them and he shook his head no. i nodded in understanding while not understanding and told him i needed to work and he needed to go back to visit with dad. he left.

i couldn’t work. i felt heavy, heavier than i ever recalled feeling while at the same time feeling validated without asking to be validated and feeling remorseful while at the same time not wanting to feel any more grief.

it’s hard putting kids first sometimes – i get that. but it’s necessary for their wellbeing. i still struggle with caring for myself but at the end of the day, if i care for them and they know it i feel a sense of accomplishment, albeit grayed by the realities of my spiritual, physical and emotional health.

parents i believe are intended to sacrifice but not all parents know how, so it calls for compassion and gratitude for the ability to take up what the other can’t or won’t. either way the child suffers.

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